It All Started With a Comment
by JasperSAYSrelax128
Summary: Sequel to "Oops, he did it Again!" Funny One-shots of crazy, hilarious, insanely awesome incidents that all started...with a comment. All Vampire, no Renemesmee, Wolves may show up later.
1. The Deer

It All Started With a Comment

**All of my other stories are in Bella's POV, but this is 3****rd**** Person POV. After Bella was changed but there is no Renesmee.**

**3****rd**** Person's POV:**

"You better hurry up, Jasper, the baby deer's getting away!" Emmett laughed as they ran through the forest, hunting. It was just Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, Alice, Edward, and Bella. Bella's newborn strength coursed through her and she felt the rush of the speed as she flew past the trees.

"Oh, shut up and go find yourself a bear, Emmett!" Jasper growled at Emmett. Emmett's grin increased as they ran further into the forest.

"I would, but I'm afraid little Bella here will be angry at me for taking longer than she would like to get back to the house, so her and Edward could get it on again—I'm still waiting to see that house knocked down, Bellsy. Maybe you could take some lessons from Rose—" Emmett said, laughing. Bella's held down fury built up, and burst at that moment. A ferocious growl emitted itself from her teeth as she changed her course and leaped at Emmett, tackling him into a tree. The tree was uprooted and tumbled towards the earth as she repeatedly punched Emmett.

_Damn bitch! Who the hell does she think she is?! Fucking whore—_

Rosalie thought as she moved towards Bella and Emmett. This angered Edward, causing him to launch across the clearing and attack Rosalie. Rosalie growled as Edward took her by her arm and threw her back across the clearing and into a tree, causing it the fall over. Edward turns around and runs to help Bella in her assault on Emmett, where they have taken down nearly 6 trees in their fight. Rosalie quickly picks herself up off of the ground, and pats her hair, making sure it wasn't damaged, before running after Edward and jumping in on the fight. Alice and Jasper decided, what the hell, and started fighting as well.

"FREEDOM OF SPEECH!!" Emmett yelled as Bella threw him into a tree, taking it down with him.

"FREEDOM TO SHOVE MY FIST UP YOUR ASS!!" Bella yelled back. Suddenly, Rosalie tackled Bella to the ground in a dog-pile manner, shouting "I HATE YOU!" then Edward jumped on top of Rosalie yelling "GET OFF MY WIFE!" and then Jasper jumped on yelling, "YOU ALL SUCK!" and then Emmett jumped on the pile yelling "I'M GONNA KILL YOU ALL!!" and then Alice jumps on the pile yelling, "LOVE!"

-5 minutes later-

They all were in the middle of the large clearing, with dozens of trees knocked down around them, still in the dog pile, unable to move. Silence enveloped them....

"You just had to say something about the deer, didn't you, Emmett...." Jasper muttered.

**Do you guys like or dislike the 3****rd**** person POV?**

**Thank you to Starthevampire for letting me right this!**


	2. Capture the Flag

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

Okay, this story is going to mostly be in Bella's POV, but some things, like the first chapter and some of this one, have to be in 3rd Person POV. So this is a mixture of POV's.

Chapter 2: Capture the Flag

**3****rd**** Person POV:**

"What the hell is Capture the Flag?!?!" Emmett boomed from the living room, where he, Rosalie, Jasper, Alice, Edward, and Bella all sat around the TV. Everyone in the room turned to raise an incredulous eyebrow at Emmett.

"What?" he asked with innocence.

"How could you not know what capture the flag is?" Bella asked.

"idk my BFF Rose?" Emmett responded like it was a question. Rosalie frowned, while Edward snickered. Bella and Jasper stared at Emmett like he was crazy, and Alice was secretly planning her next assault on Bella's face.

"You need to stop watching those cell phone commercials!" Rosalie hissed at her husband. Emmett's face grew sheepish.

"It's where there are two teams standing on land separated by a line. They each have a flag they hide, and they try to run over to the other the other team's side and get their flag and bring it back to their side. Once you're over on the other team's side, they can tag you, and you have to wait in their "jail" until a teammate comes by and tags them." Edward explained in a bored voice. Emmett's face lit up at the new information, like a kid on Christmas day. Alice started bouncing in her seat excitedly, anticipation for what was about to happen radiating from her in waves.

"LET'S PLAY CAPTURE THE FLAG!" Emmett boomed. Everyone raised their eyebrows and shared a look, and agreeing it would be something to do.

"Okay....but we don't have enough people." Bella said.

"Oh, I know just the suckers to get...."

-20 minutes later-

"Okay, you are all assembled here for an important mission, idiots. No man will be left alive." Emmett lectured, walking in a Military General style, with his chin up.

"I have a question?" Jacob asked, raising his hand.

"ONLY SPEAK WHEN SPOKEN TO, MAGGET!" Emmett roared in Jacob's face. Jacob shrank back into line, where Paul, Seth, Embry, Quil, and Jared stood.

"Team AWESOMENESS, aka Team Bella, will be Bella—Captain—along with me, Alice, Seth, Paul, and Jared. Team LOSER, aka Team Edward—"

"What the hell?!" Edward yelled at Emmett. Emmett ignored his outburst and continued.

"—Edward is Captain, Jasper, Rosalie, Jacob, Quil, and Embry." Emmett finished off his speech. The pack all stared around in either: confusion, boredom, or disgust. None of them knew what was going on yet. Seth scratched the back of his head, while Paul was falling asleep.

"Can I ask a question now?" Jacob said hesitantly.

"NO YOU MAY NOT!! DROP AND GIVE ME INFINITY!" Jacob stared at Emmett as if he were crazy. Hell, maybe he was...

"What are we doing?" Jacob whispered to Bella. Bella rolled her eyes, "Capture the Flag." She responded. The pack let out whoops, while Jacob frowned.

"Why do I have to be on _his _team?!" Jacob whined, looking pointedly at Edward.

"Because." Jasper said as if it were a suitable answer.

"Okay, this red flag is for Team Bella, blue flag for Team Edward." Emmett said, holding up the flags.

"Emmett—ARE THOSE MY NEW BRAS!?!?" Rosalie shrieked. Emmett visibly flinched.

"Umm, no..." he said, and Jasper sent calming waves to Rosalie. She moved back into her original spot, but glaring at Emmett murderously. Emmett tossed the blue "flag" to Edward, and he took it by the tips of his fingers, looking at it in disgust.

"Why can't we use Bella's?!" Edward called.

"Because." Emmett answered. Bella rolled her eyes, but if she were human, she would be blushing like crazy. Emmett took the red "flag" and ran over to give it to Bella.

"No going inside the house, but you can hide the flag somewhere on the outside. The house is divided down the middle—" Emmett said, pointing to a huge red line, literally drawn down the middle of the house, and across the roof.

"YOU DREW A FREAKING LINE ON OUR HOUSE!??!" Alice shrieked. She was frustrated because she couldn't see anything because of the wolves' presence.

"Yea, MOM, I did! Got a problem with that!?" Emmett said, his grin increasing.

"Yea, I'll show you what a got a problem with—" Alice muttered angrily, advancing towards Emmett. Jasper caught her around the waist before she could reach him.

"Team Bella's Jail is the garage, Team Loser's Jail is by that huge tree over there." Emmett said, pointing to a rather large tee.

"Okay, let's countdown slowly—5....4....321-GO!" Emmett said extremely quickly. Bella's team took off running on their side, while Edward's team stood there, looking gob-smacked.

**Bella's POV:**

My team ran deep into the forest on our side. Now, usually, the flag would have to be in hidden in plain sight. But considering these were vampires and wolves, those human rules didn't count. As I ran, a huge rock caught my eye. "Guys!" I whispered. Everyone ran to where I was, and I walked towards the boulder. I lifted it up and placed the flag there, and recovering it.

"I'll guard it." said Jared.

Everyone else took off running back towards the line. I swiftly jumped up into the trees, jumping quietly from tree-to-tree.

**3****rd**** Person POV:**

"I bet they hid the flag in the trees." Jacob said as they ran back towards the line. They had hidden the flag in a hollow of a tree.

"No they didn't! It's SOO in the bushes." Edward replied.

"You sure about that, pretty-boy?"

"That's what Bella would do."

"Can't you just read their minds?"

"Bella's blocking them."

"Damn. You're power's corrupted."

"IS NOT! FUCK OFF!"

"We're on a team!"

Then, Edward punched Jacob in the face, "HA!" he yelled, running off.

**Bella's POV:**

I grinned as I leapt across the line, obscured by the tree tops. I followed the horrid scent of the wolves, when suddenly, someone popped up in front of me.

"AHHH!" I yelled, falling out of the tree. I heard laughter as I got up, and looked at Edward. My eyes narrowed at his laughing figure. I took the chance to jump up and run for my life towards where his flag was. I laughed as I could hear him stop laughing, and looking around, shocked.

"Damnit," he muttered, taking off after me. I laughed as Embry came into sight, guarding where I was sure their flag was. I reached Embry, and my eyes darted towards the tree he was next to, where I saw the blue "flag" inside the hollow of the tree. I jumped into the air, reaching for the flag, when, suddenly, I was pulled towards the earth. The next thing I knew, I found myself in a heated make-out session with Edward. I moaned into his mouth as his hands slid down my hips and rested on my butt, and I gasped as he squeezed. Suddenly, he pulled away.

"I believe....you are out." He whispered with a grin, and my eyes widened.

"DAMNIT!" I yelled. He started laughing.

"You are my prisoner!" he declared, seductively. My eyes widened.

"Well, that can't be so bad." I grinned and hopped on his back, and he took me to the "Jail".

**3****rd**** Person POV:**

Jacob tip toed towards the line, looking around, but no one was insight. He grabbed Esme's plant from the porch, and carried it in front of him as he walked Pink-Panther style across the line, humming the Mission Impossible theme song.

"Na-na-naaaaaa, na-na-naaaaaaaa...." Jacob hummed. Then, there was a tap on his shoulder. Jacob looked up from between the plant leaves to see Emmett, standing there, grinning.

"You're out." Emmett said triumphantly.

"Aw, shit." Jacob muttered, standing up straight, and dropping the plant, causing the pot to shatter.

"OHHHH! ESME'S GONNA KILL YOUUUUU!" Emmett said, laughing. Jacob's eyes widened, and he ran off to the "Jail", yelling "EMMETT DID IT!"

Emmett stopped laughing, and stared at the plant. He shrugged and walked toward the line.

MEANWHILE

Alice guarded their side of the line, furious that she couldn't see the future. That was when she saw Rosalie, sneaking across the line. Alice ran towards her, laughing madly. Alice jumped into the air, doing a flip, and landing on Rosalie, covering her in mud.

"THIS.....WAS....MY....FAVORITE.....SHIRT!!" Rosalie screamed, jumping up, and attacking Alice. Ailce squeaked as she took off running, as fast as she could, with Rosalie running after her.

MEANWHILE

Paul snuck onto the other team's side, running as fast as he could. He ran behind a tree, and peeked out from behind it. Seeing that it was all clear, he rolled on the floor in a ninja-type style, but it came out looking completely idiotic. He jumped up and continued running, when someone stuck their foot out, tripping him, and sending him flying into the nearest tree.

"HA!" Jasper yelled, laughing. Then he broke out into a victory dance. Paul got up, growling furiously, his anger increasing. Then, Paul lunged at Jasper. Jasper neatly dodged the attack, and Paul ended up grabbing air. He lunged again...but grasped air.

"AHGGGG!" he yelled out in frustration

"What are you going to do, Paulina?" Jasper said through laughter. Paul growled as he picked up a huge log and swinging it at Jasper, but just missing. Jasper's eyes widened, and he took off running with Paul chasing after him.

MEANWHILE

Seth shyly ran across the line and towards where Embry was. That was, until he heard Quil running after him.

"I GOT YOU NOW, LOSER!" he yelled after Seth. Seth growled and continued running.

"I AM NOT A LOSER!"

"ARE TOO!"

"AM NOT!"

"ARE TOO!"

"AM NOT!"

"ARE TO—" suddenly, Seth stopped and stuck his foot out, tripping Quil. Quil flew through the air and face-planted into a huge puddle of mud. Seth was laughing hysterically as he continued running. He ran around Embry, and came up behind him so he couldn't see, and quickly grabbed the flag, and took off running.

"HEY!" Embry yelled, running after him, as he headed back towards the house. Then Quil came up behind him, yelling out profanities at him as he continued to run towards the house. He broke through the trees, at the same time as everyone else.

"GET BACK HERE YOU DAMN PIXIE!!" Rosalie shrieked, chasing Alice. Alice was looking behind her at Rosalie, when she ran right into Jasper, who was being chased by Paul with the log. They collided and fell to the ground, where Rosalie jumped on Alice.

Meanwhile, Bella and Edward were in another heated make-out session, when Emmett runs up and pelts them in water. He erupted into hysterical laughter, dropping the huge squirt gun, as Bella shrieked. Edward growled and attacked Emmett, throwing him across the yard, and through the door of the house, breaking down the door.

All of that happened at the same time, while Seth came running into the yard, Quil and Embry tackled Seth, all of them flying into the side of the house, creating a huge hole in the wall of the living room.

Just then, Esme and Carlisle got home.

"MY HOUSE!!" Esme screamed, and everyone stopped, dead in their tracks. Everyone was quiet, as they observed the damage. It couldn't get much worse. Then...

"HEY WHAT DOES THIS BUTTON DO?!?" they heard Jacob yell from the garage.

"NO JACOB—"

BOOM!

The garage literally exploded, wood and debris flying everywhere.

Everyone was quiet, as Jacob came stumbling out to the yard, his clothes burned, his hair sticking in every direction, and covered in black dust. Then, Jared walked back into the yard.

"What did I miss?" he asked casually.

**REVIEW! Like I said, parts of this chapter had to be done in 3 Person POV. As you can tell.**


	3. AWESOME note

instead of a boring Author's Note....this is an AWESOME note!

NEW POLL!

Yes, I said POLL! Not POLE....because if I said "I HAVE A NEW POLE!" that would sound a little weird...

ALSO....the next chapter is going to be fantabulous!....when I start writing it. LOLOL yea so I have a surprise for you guys! Hahaha

Okay, okay, okay....I'll give you a one-word clue:

Twilight.

BAHAHAHAHA LOLOLOL okay okay okay now I'll give you a REAL clue:

Movie reenactment....includes Emmett with a video camera, Jacob and Edward fighting over a ROLE, Rosalie complaining about the characters, Alice's excitement going overboard.....oh, and did I mention it's a flashback of when Bella was human?

This could only be _one_ movie...

**Peace, Love, and Jasper says Relax!  
JasperSAYSrelax128**


	4. IMPORTANT author's note

Author's note….Le Gasp.

Hey guys….okay, I freaking hate posting these as much as you hate reading them. I mean, I'm a cool author, right? I barely ever really post Author's Notes, and when I do, they are interesting...

But I HAVE to do this.

It's just I have been so stressed this week with school starting. You might say "Hey, it JUST started, how bad can it really be?" well I have had a lot built up, and it's all about to blow. I am STILL WRITING! I'm not quitting, I'm not putting any stories on hold or adoption, I just wanted to let you guys know that I will not be posting as much as I was. I was posting every day, but I can't do that now....maybe every 3 days or so. If I get lucky every 2.

Last year my grades suffered because I wrote SO much. This year I have to maintain a B average, and I have a lot of difficult classes, as this is my junior year of high school and I am preparing to graduate soon. Also, one of my teachers was arrested the other day for having sex with a student…it's really taking a toll on everybody at our school. My sister is also expecting a baby, so I have been busy with that. Also, only the people that know me personally know this, but I have a lot of animals—around 40 rabbits, 2 dogs, and 3 fish. It is difficult to take care of all of these animals, it takes so much of my time. I am always tired because I stay up to write…and I end up falling asleep in class. Okay, maybe I already fell asleep in Algebra 2....but the point is clear. Lawlz

And thank you so much to all of my readers, and especially my reviewers. I may not always reply to reviews, because I get so many, but you should see my face when I check my email every day, and I have near 200 messages from fanfiction. I was sitting on the computer the other day with a huge grin and I felt so touched, my friend's like "What are you smiling at?" and I choked out, "All of my reviewers! I feel LOVED!" haha. Let me just tell you, he was laughing at how emotional I was. So thank you guys so much! Also, if you ever have any questions, I DO always respond to questions in reviews.

ALSOOOO....my main focus right now is Feel Good Drag. I don't know how soon I will be getting to Seeing Crimson. When I started the story, it was just a side thing. I don't know where I am going with it, unlike my other stories. All of my other stories I have the entire thing planned out. Here is a list of what my main focus is:

-Feel Good Drag  
-My Black Dahlia  
-A Lesson in Charades  
-It All Started With a Comment

So, if you read through this entire AN, you are amazing, and I, JasperSAYSrelax128, dub you amazingly fantastalistically awesome.

Peace, Love, and JasperSAYSrelax.

P.S. MY CHEMISTRY TEACHER EXPLODED A GUMMY BEAR! IT WAS FREAKING AWESOME!


	5. Shopping

Chapter 3: Shopping

Okay, I know I said the movie remake was next, and I'm literally writing it RIGHT now, but I just had, had, HADDD to post this! I DEDICATE THIS CHAPTER TO Jules96 because…the grandma thing. She wanted me to do something with a grandma. HAHA.

**3****rd**** Person POV:**

-FLASHBACK-

Everyone was sitting around the Cullen living room, when Jacob walked in.

"I HATE shopping!" Jacob groaned after being dragged on a shopping trip with his 2 sisters. A huge, evil grin spread across Alice's face. Jacob's posture grew nervous.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

-End Flashback-

**Jacob's POV:**

"Can we go now?" I whined as Bella and Alice dragged me through Target. Stupid, sparkly vampires.

"Almost." Alice said as we walked through the juniors girl's section. Suddenly, Alice stopped, and grabbed a hold of shirt that was hanging on a rack.

"Oh! Look at this!" Alice shrieked at me, while Bella examined her nails with a smile tugging at her lips. Seriously, why the hell did they drag me along?! She has Bella for a _reason!_

"No, I am not looking. Let's go!"

"Just look at it! It's so cute!"

"I'm not looking!"

"LOOK AT IT!!"

"Okay, I see it—let's go."

"It's sooooooo cute! isn't it?

"OH EM GEE! It is SO cute!....now let's go."

I spun around and started walking when the little demon appeared in front of me in 2 seconds. "Okay, I need one more thing!" Alice shrieked.

"WHAT!!" I yelled, sick of shopping.

"That shirt—over there. It's the last one. I won't leave without it. Go get it while I take Bella to the dressing rooms." She stated, pointing to a light blue shirt across the way from us. It was the last one hanging on the rack, so I walked over to grab it. Just when I reached for it, an old lady with a cane grabbed it before I could.

What the hell!?!

"HA!" she yelled in my face, hit me in the leg with her cane, and tried to run away, but was going slower than a fucking snail. Seriously, don't old people get pissed when they walk that slow?

"Hey, grandma, that's mine!" I yelled, grabbing a hold of the shirt. She dropped her cane and tugged on the shirt, attempting to rip it from my grasp. Yea, right.

"Hey, punk! It's mine!" grandma yelled.

"LISTEN, GRANNY! I NEED THIS SHIRT TO GET OUT OF HERE!!" I yelled, tugging harder.

"It's mine!" grandma yelled, hitting me with her cane.

"IT'S NOT YOUR COLOR!!" I screamed, tugging on it again. I accidentally tugged a little too hard, and grandma fell forwards, onto the ground, not moving. I smiled triumphantly with the shirt in my hand.

"TAKE THAT, GRANDMA!!"

I waited for her to jump up and start trying to get the shirt back, but she lay, not moving, on the ground. Hey, wait, old people are supposed to breathe, right?

"AHHHH!" I yelled. "I KILLED HER!!"

Suddenly, everyone in the store started running around, screaming. Some security guards ran over to me, checking the lady. "You killed her!" one of them yelled. "How could you kill a sweet, innocent, old lady!?" the guard yelled, and motioned for the other guys to come forward.

"WHAT THE HELL!?" I shrieked as I felt the cold, hard metal of the handcuffs tighten around my wrists. "I didn't mean to! No! PLEASE! I CAN CHANGE!!"

"Jacob! I can't believe you'd kill that lady!" Bella screamed as her and Alice walked out of the dressing room.

"I'M SORRRYYYYY!!" I screamed as the officer started taking me away.

"You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law..." the officer went over my rights as they placed me in the backseat of the police car.

"I'M TOO YOUNG TO GO TO PRISON! I MEAN, I HAVEN'T EVEN IMPRINTED YET!!!"

I looked out the window at Alice and Bella's shocked faces, but then they turned to grins. A man ran up to the window of the car, and a officer removed the handcuffs. I lookd back out the window at the man who had come closer.

No fucking way!

I jumped out of the back of the car and ran towards the man.

"NO WAY! NO FUCKING WAY, MAN!!" I screamed, running around. Oh God, I couldn't believe this! "Holy shit, you so had me!"

"JACOB BLACK! You've been PUNK'D! How does it feel?" Ashton Kutcher yelled. Alice and Bella were laughing like crazy. Ashton put his arm around me as I looked into the camera.

"I'm Jacob Black, and I've just been Punk'd."

**Reviews = Cupcakes.**


	6. Interview

Interviewer: Jules96

Being interviewed: JasperSAYSrelax128

**Your first Fanfiction story was Oops, he did it again! What was it that made you want to write it?**

Well, I had been reading fanfiction stories for a while, and I really wanted to try and write my own story. I just thought, "Hey, I can take a common idea for a story and make it hilarious!" that was what my first thoughts were. I wrote the first 12 chapters of OHDIA while I was at my friend Rachelle's house for a week during spring break, by hand. I hadn't planned on carrying OHDIA out as long as it was, but I'm glad I did.

**How did you come up with the name of Oops, he did it Again!?**

Well, originally it was going to be called "Bella Sitting" but there were so many of those! So I wanted something different…I didn't mean for the theme of the story to be about Emmett. If anything ,I really wanted it to be about Edward and Bella. But I was caught up in Emmett's obnoxious personality I had created. And when I was trying to decide a new name at the last minute, the song "Oops, I did it again!" just kept playing through my head, and I typed down the name.

**How do you come up with all of your story ideas? From everyday life? Does it just pop into your head?**

Both. A lot of funny things happen to me and my friends. We are really…laughable people. Haha. We will just be sitting in class, and someone will say a word, or something, and I can look at my best friend and we can erupt into laughter. Also, the adventures just pop into my head as I'm going through the day. I always tend to think "What if the Cullens…" you know, anything the Cullens do that would seem ordinary to us would turn into something huge for them. Like going to the zoo ;) But mostly, things just come as I'm sitting in front of my laptop, typing.

**When first writing on Fanfiction, did you expect to get so many reviewers?**

Hell no. I didn't know what to expect, but I didn't expect people to think me near as funny as they tell me I am. Haha. Now I have people actually FIGHTING over who is my biggest fan ;)

**What is your favorite genre to write?**

You know, Humor is easily my favorite. That was what I started with, and I love to laugh more than ANYTHING in the world. Although, I feel I can write some powerful pieces of Angst…

**Where did you get of the titles The Good Left Undone, and My Black Dahlia?**

Thos are both song names. I feel lyrics of songs are powerful, and I always use them in writing. The Good Left Undone was based on the song by Rise Against. It was basically referring to how all of the good that was done in the first story wasn't all finished…if that makes sense? James as coming back. Bella wouldn't get her happy ending until he was permanently destroyed. My Black Dahlia was also based on a song by Hollywood Undead. The song fit perfectly for how Bella was feeling. Edward had left her, and she felt hate, hurt, sadness. She cut herself, tried to kill herself, did drugs...the Black Dahlia was a girl who was murdered and her body was severed, I have a feeling the name of the song is used as in Bella is practically destroying herself.

**You write mostly humor stories. What got you to write My Black Dahlia, considering it's such a depressing story?**

That's a good question. Well, my sister was going through some stuff and she was recovering, and I have my own past(I've never done drugs, just to let you all know)…and I knew how it was with drug addicts. I wanted to write MBD because…I wanted to write something where Edward had to watch Bella suffer, as bad as that sounds. Sometimes it's okay to write sad stories every now and then, because it uproots certain emotions and feelings you have. And when you transfer those emotions into words, it creates extremely powerful work.

**How do you deal with the pressure of keeping up with the viewers, replying to reviews, and people copying your stories?**

Well, I'm on my email ALL the time, checking for reviews from you guys. Seriously, when I get home from school, it's the first thing I do is check. Even when I wake up. I get a LOT of reviews though, and I read All of them and take the names of people leaving them, but I unfortunately can't reply to all of them. I always reply to a question. As for updating, I write at any chance I get. I am always excited to add a new chapter just to see what my readers have to say about it, whether they just submit a short review saying "I love it" that just makes me happy. And the copying stories hassles, I am really upset with it at first, but I turn to my friends and readers and they help me work it through. Especially Jules96, SnappleApple450, and birningice.

Have you ever considered joining a community or co-writing a story?

Well, I really don't exactly know what you mean by community, but if I co-write a story, that is probably a bad idea, because I am controlling and have a large imagination and I would probably take over the story and it would go in the direction I want and my poor co-author would be left behind. Trampled on. Poor co-author….

**How did you come up with your username?**

Oh, haha! Well, I love Jasper. I just love, love, LOOOOVE him! And since I read the first book, I like the part where Jasper says "Relax!" so whenever someone was freaking out about something, or excited, or mad, I would walk around saying "Jasper says relax!" haha.

**Do you have any favorite authors or stories?**

Well, probably my favorite story EVER, was the story called "Lollipop" by Lollirotxox. that was my first story I read on here, and it is literally, THE most OUTSTANDING, Hilarious one-shot. Seriously, read it. It's funnier than all of the OHDIA's combined. The other story I love is "A Day With Jasper" by JaspersDaughter. It's a work in progress, but it is the sweetest thing! My favorite authors...PopItLikeAPopTart. Read her story, it's freaking hilarious.

Does anyone help you write your stories or give you ideas?

Haha, well, I have someone who I discuss my ideas with. She basically tells me if she likes them a lot. She tells me if I should change something or not. Most of the time...she just laughs her ass off, or I get "OH MY GOD! NO WAY! THAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN!?!". She did pitch in a couple Takes from Action! And, she was featured in TGLU.....now, ladies and gents, who is this mystery person? Oh, she's DESTINED to marry Ricky from TGLU....give a round of applause to....JULES96!!

**What sets you off the most in what reviews say?**

Well....I hate when I write something in an author's note and people review asking about it. I mean, I PUT IT THERE FOR A REASON! Haha. Most of the time it's anonymous reviewers, too. It also bugs me slightly when people tell ME to "review" when they mean o say "Update" also when I JUST updated, and people leave a review saying "UPDATE PLEASE!" there's a difference in that and saying to update soon. Saying update soon is okay, but some people tell me to update, like, 5 minutes after I just posted. It takes time to write stories.

**Do you have a pet peeve when writing?**

Yea, I tend to make some typos, because I have long nails(real) and it's rather hard to type on a laptop…and then I get so excited because I just finished a chapter and I want to post it!!...that I forget to reread it for errors. Haha. Also when I get an idea for a scene, and I want to get to that scene, so I have to pace myself and not end up rushing through the whole thing.

**Have you ever considered getting a beta, or betaing?**

No, I like to go solo. I could help beta if its throwing out ideas, but I don't think I could reread someone else's work for mistakes.

**Have you ever thought about doing a story with non-cannon pairings?**

That's a good question. If I DID do a non cannon, it would be Jasper x Bella, but honestly, I don't think I see that happening, unless something good comes up. I strongly believe in the Twilight characters all with their mates for a reason, and that's the way they belong.

**What gave you the idea to write ACTION!?**

Actually, I read this story, that did this thing with parts of the Twilight movie, but it was different. It was called "What REALLY happened in the Twilight movie" it was sort of things that happened later in the day and stuff…I can't explain it. It just gave me the idea, because there were so many funny/idiotic things in the movie. And, oh God, don't even get me started ont the fact that they didn't put Jasper's power in the movie…

**What do you hate most about other Fanfiction stories, such as writing style, character pairs, and plotlines?**

Well, I guess the biggest thing I hate is when people aren't descriptive, on actions OR emotions. For plotlines, I hate it when Bella is some absolute, flawless, hard-core chick who is perfect at EVERYTHING she does, and when she's a vampire and has like, a million and some powers.

**I hear you are writing a book. What inspired you to start writing it, and how long do you plan on it being?**

Yes, I'm currently writing a book called Numbering Blood. Well, honestly, YOU GUYS inspired me to write it! A lot of you guys told me that I needed to write a book, and that you would totally buy it, so I am! I plan on it being around the size of Twilight, maybe longer. I can't give too much of it away, but I can say that there are a lot of themes in the book. But the basic theme is life or death. Everyone's days are numbered, and if you had the chance, power, to save people that weren't meant to die, would you? What if it meant giving up others that you love? Basically, what I've learned from raising animals, is that sometimes an animal will get deathly sick or injured. You can either try to save it, and succeed, or end up just prolonging it's death sentence. Or you can let fate take its course, and let it die. It's a hard decision to make, and if the decision was up to you, how would you choose? That's the basic theme. It's also a love story...with a vampire...

**What are some of your favorite books/movies/songs?**

My favorite books are Twilight, of course, House of Night, Harry Potter. My favorite movie is Transformers. My favorite songs are "Feel Good Drag" by Anberlin, "The Good Left Undone" by Rise Against, and "Comatose" by Skillet. There are so many, but I couldn't live without those!

**How do you brainstorm for your stories? Do you just write as you go along, or plan it out and then write it?**

Well, I usually think out the ENTIRE story, in like, 5 minutes. Yea. I have a REALLY active imagination. Anyone who knows me, could easily say my most said line is "I had the weirdest dream last night..." because my imagination is always running wild. I'm thinking of making a story just about my dreams. Would you guys like that?

**What has been your favorite story to write?**

That's a really hard question. I love writing Feel Good Drag because I have a fascination with cars. But I'm going to have to say, my first story, "Oops, he did it Again!" was my all time favorite. It was just so fun and crazy to write!

**Thank you for your time.**

No, thank you....loser.

JUUUUUST KIDDINGGG!


	7. Bicycle Add

Okay, I PROMISE I am working on the movie thing….it's just hard deciding…certain things. But this only took me like 5 minutes to write, because I saw this add for a bicycle and I WAS LAUGHING MY ASS OFF! Seriously, it REALLY said this…

Chapter 4: Bicycle Add

**3****rd**** Person POV:**

"If you aren't satisfied with the Land Rider, take it back, no matter WHAT condition it's in!"

Jacob and Emmett stared at the bicycle add on the TV with blank expressions. Suddenly, they turned to each other, grinning.

-Next Day-

"What the hell is this?!" Rosalie screamed from the living room, holding up the newly-delivered bike by her finger tips.

"IT'S HERE! IT'S HERE!!" Emmett yelled, running down the stairs.

"NO WAY!!" Jacob yelled, bursting through the front door. The door flew back, crushing Rosalie against the wall. Jacob ran over to where Emmett was bouncing with excitement. Rosalie growled as she pried herself away from the wall.

"Why don't you go and take your smelly ass to your own house, Mutt!!" Rosalie sneered, shoving past her immature husband and the dog that always seemed to be around.

"FINE! I WILL! AND I'LL TAKE YOUR HUSBAND, TOO!!" Jacob yelled after her. Then realized, "....wait, that sounded wrong..." Edward's hysterical laughter could be heard from upstairs.

Emmett ran out of the house, carrying the shiny, new bike, with Jacob following after. Emmett stopped by Bella's old truck....which they kept around, for God knows what reason.

"We have this brand new bike, Jacob, what do you think we should do with it?" Emmett asked, handing the bike to Jacob.

"We should take it somewhere for a test drive." Jacob said, carelessly throwing the bike into the bed of the old truck. Emmett took out a video camera, while Jacob got in the driver's side and he in the passenger seat. Then, they started their way to La Push...

When they pulled up to Jacob's house, Emmett got out of the truck and carelessly threw the bike on the ground in front of the truck. Jacob grinned as he stepped on the gas, and a metallic screeching was heard as he ran right over the bike.

He laughed as he jumped out of the truck and picked the bike up. Then, he walked into his garage and came back out with a BB gun. Emmett held the bike as Jacob aimed the BB gun, and shot the bike, multiple times, creating holes along the metal.

Jacob tossed the gun aside, Emmett handed him the bike, and Emmett ran inside the garage. When he came back out, he was holding a can of gasoline and matches. He carefully unscrewed the gasoline, as to not get any on himself, and poured the gasoline on the bike. Then, he lit one of the matches, and threw it on the bike.

The flame exploded on the bike, and Jacob jumped backwards, letting the bike fall to the ground.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" Jacob shrieked, rubbing his throbbing hand.

"What?" Emmett asked innocently.

"You could have told me you were going to do that!"

"Yea, I _could_ have..." Emmett said, smirking. Jacob rolled his eyes. Emmett ran back into the garage, and came back out with a fire extinguisher. He quickly put out the fire, and they stared, silently, at the bike. Then, they turned to each other, grinning.

-5 Minutes Later-

Jacob grinned as he rode the bike straight for the edge of the cliff. The bike and him flew off the cliff, and out of sight, until there was a loud crash and then a splash. Then, Emmett heard Jacob's faint scream,

"CAN I TAKE IT BACK NOW!?!?!"

**If you didn't understand the ending, go back to the beginning, and read the very first sentence. The one from the add. Haha.**

DELETED SCENE:

Jacob and Emmett laid out the pieces of metal, which once were a bike, across the dining room in the Cullen house. Edward walked into the dining room, and listened to their thoughts, as he stared at the remains of the bike.

"It said if you weren't satisfied with it." Edward commented, giving them a disbelieving look.

"Yea, and I wasn't satisfied with the fact that it couldn't withstand a vampire." Jacob commented, thinking back to when Emmett tore it apart with his strength.

"Great! Now....how are you going to explain that to _them?_" Edward said, walking off. Jacob and Emmett looked at each other.

"Aw, shit."


	8. The Scary Maze Game

Chapter 5: The Scary Maze Game

YOU **HAVE** TO READ THIS!

In order to understand this chapter, you **have** to play this SHORT, easy game (and I don't suggest it for little children, OR if you have heart problems, and if you don't want to be startled, watch the second link. But if you REALLY want to understand, this one): http://www . maniacworld . com/maze_game . htm

(Take out the spaces) ...if that doesn't work, watch this: http://www . youtube . com/watch?v=oh87njiWTmw

"YOU GUYS HAVE TO SEE THIS!!" Emmett's boisterous yell was heard from all parts of the house.

-Flashback-

Emmett's POV:

I was browsing through the internet, looking for something to buy for Rose for our anniversary, when I came across a freaking weird link.

_The Exorcist Scary Maze Game_

What the fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck? I clicked on the link, and it brought me to the beginning of a game.

_The Maze  
TEST YOUR SKILLS!  
Try to reach the goal without touching the walls. How steady is your hand? Let's find out! Try and beat all four levels!_

I scoffed at the lame game. Haha, that rhymed! Lame game, lame game, lame game...

I clicked play, and automatically a simple maze came up on the screen. I grinned as I quickly and flawlessly dragged the cursor through the maze, and to the end. Then level 2 came up, and I continued to drag the cursor through the lame maze and to the end. Then level 3 came up, and was more difficult at the end. I dragged it through the maze and near the end, it was smaller, so I had to carefully drag it through, when every ounce of my concentration was focused on the game. Right when I was about to make it to the end, a gruesome picture of the girl from the exorcist flashed across the screen, and an ear-piercing scream burst from the speakers. I froze, startled. Then, I threw my head back, and erupted into laughter.

"YOU GUYS HAVE TO SEE THIS!!"

**3****rd**** Person POV:**

Emmett grinned as he dragged Jasper into the computer room and sat him down in the seat in front of the computer screen. "Play this!" he commanded Jasper. Jasper gave him a quizzical look as he began the game. He breezed through the first two levels, and then came to the third. He inched his way through the small opening at the end, right when the horrifying picture flashed across the screen and a shriek filled the room.

"AHH! IT'S THE UNION! HIT THE DECK!" Jasper yelled, falling out of the chair and to the ground. "THE BRITISH ARE COMING—wait, wrong war—"

Then, he jumped up and ran out of the room, stumbling over a chair and a fallen trashcan. He scurried as fast as he could towards his room to hide. Emmett erupted into laughter, right when Edward walked by the room.

"Edward! Edward! WATCH THIS!" Emmett yelled running over to Edward, and reaching out to grab his hand. Edward, being faster, pulled his hand away before Emmett could grab it. Emmett reached for his other arm, but Edward neatly dodged him. He lunged for him, but Edward moved out of the way and he ran into the wall. "JUST COME ON!" Emmett yelled, grabbing a hold of Edward and dragging him into the computer room. Emmett started to move the cursor through the maze. Edward stood next to him in aggravation. Emmett got to level two, before he laughed again. "It's so funny!" he said, looking to where Edward is standing.

Correction, where Edward _was_ standing.

"Edward? Edward?!" he called, looking around the empty room. Bella walked by the room, humming to herself, until she was yanked by her arm into the computer room. Even if she WAS a vampire, that hurt.

"What the—"

"I GAURENTEE YOU WILL LAUGH!" Emmett boomed, starting the maze. Bella stared at the dot with a blank look, until the disgusting girl flashed across the screen, along with a scream. Emmett turned to Bella, grinning.

"So? What do you think? ISN'T IT FUNNY!?!?!" Emmett waited for Bella's reaction, but she was frozen, still staring at the screen with a blank expression. "Bella?" Emmett asked, his grin faltering. He poked her arm, and she fell over onto the ground, not moving. "I didn't know vampires could faint...." he murmured to himself. Then, Edward ran into the room, picked Bella up, and sent Emmett a dirty glare as he ran out of the room.

Then, Alice came bounding into the room. "Emmett, I need—"

"WATCH THIS!" Emmett screamed, replaying the maze. Emmett made his way through the maze, as Alice concentrated on the dot from next to him.

Before the picture of the girl showed up on the screen, Alice screamed "RRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!" launching herself at the computer screen. The picture flashed across the screen as the ear-piercing shriek filled the room, just as Alice collided with the computer screen, knocking it off of the table and onto the ground. "HA! I DOMINATE!" she screamed, then ran out of the room.

Emmett picked the screen back up and placed it on the desk.

"WHAT THE HELL IS ALL THE NOISE!?!" Rosalie screamed, stomping into the room. Emmett grinned as he pulled her to the computer, and he started his way through the maze. Rosalie stood next to him with her arms crossed, frowning. Then, the girl flashed across the screen.

"UGLY!!" Rosalie screeched, raising her fist and punching a hole through the computer screen. Sparks and wires flied everywhere, and Rosalie stomped out of the room angrily, leaving Emmett pouting at the destroyed computer.

"_I_ thought it was funny...."

**So that's basically what happens when I find something aewsome and want to show my family, the same thing that happened to Emmet....Yea, that was my reaction when I first saw it. I didn't even scream. I LAUGHED. BAHAHA**


	9. CONFEDERATES!

I think this is the funniest chapter I have EVER written!

Chapter 6: CONFEDERATES!

**3rd Person POV:**

"Dude, I am so sick of learning about this!" Emmett yelled, throwing his homework across the room. "The Confederates SUCK!"

In the corner of the room, Jasper twitched.

**Bella's POV:**

Edward, Rosalie, Alice, Carlisle, Esme, and I all stared at Emmett in shock. I don't think he realizes…

Suddenly, Jasper jumped up, screaming "CONFEDERATES!!!!"

He ran away, and suddenly, there was a huge fort in the living room, created with pillows and cardboard boxes. "CONFEDERATES!!!" Jasper shrieked, popping up from the fort and throwing something through the air. It made contact with Emmett's head, knocking him off of the couch. "What the fu—" Emmett mumbled, looking at what collided with him.

"JASPER, WHY DID YOU JUST THROW CRAYON AT ME?! WHY DO YOU EVEN HAVE THEM?!" Emmett roared.

"FFFFFIIIIIIRRRRREEEEEE!" Jasper screamed, popping up from behind the cardboard boxes and pelting us all with an endless supply of crayons.

"AH!" Rosalie shrieked, as everyone ran around the corner to escape the flying crayons.

"You just had to say it, didn't you, Emmett!" Alice hissed at Emmett. "I mean, we all knew it, but you didn't need to SAY it!"

"SOOOORRRRYYYYY!" Emmett whined, and was hit in the head with another crayon. "Ow!" he squeaked.

"Go tell him to stop!" Rosalie sneered at Edward.

"What did I do?" he said defensively.

"You were born!" she growled.

"Yea, well, you were changed, but I'm not complaining!" Edward shot back.

"Children!" Carlisle interceded. "This is no time for fighting!" Rosalie grumbled as she crossed her arms, and Edward rolled his eyes. I stifled a laugh.

"GO!" she screamed in his face when he made no move. He rolled his eyes again as he walked around the corner and faced the Fortress of Jasper.

"Jasper?" he called, but there was no answer. One of the cardboard boxes moved slightly. "Jasper, we're sorry! We didn't mean too—" suddenly, Jasper popped up from behind the fort and started pelting Edward with little rainbow circles. With a closer look, I saw that they were—Skittles.

"WHAT THE HELL!" Edward yelled, raising his hands to protect him from the Skittles. With no luck at that, he hurriedly ran back to where we were hiding.

"Now you guys have really done it. He's brought out the Skittles." Alice said in horror.

"His rainbowy goodness is no match for us!" Emmett yelled, pumping his fist in the air.

"His rainbowy goodness? Emmett, you really need to start thinking of what you say before you say it..." I mumbled, giggling. Edward chuckled as he wrapped his arm around my waist.

"What?" Emmett asked, utterly confused. I only shook my head. Rosalie rolled her eyes, while Edward laughed harder.

"We need a plan!" Emmett concluded. "And I have the perfect one!" Esme sighed from next to him.

"Emmett, this plan of yours had better not involve breaking, demolishing, or deforming my house in any way." Esme snapped at him. His face fell.

"Well...that gets rid of my first 4 ideas..." he mumbled to himself. "Are you sure we can't turn the house into an underwater fortress?" he asked hopefully. I sent him a disbelieving look.

"Emmett, how did you pan on that working?" I asked.

"Oh, well, you see—"

"No!" Esme snapped, walking away from the group and across the living room, passing the fort, towards the front door.

"INVADERS!!" Jasper screamed, pelting Esme in stuffed animals. But before any made contact with her, she was out the door.

"Okay, now for the plan…" Emmett started. "Alice, you're the bait—"

"Do I get to dress up?" Alice asked, cutting him off.

"No. Now, we are—"

"Why not?" she cut him off again.

"Because!"

"Well, then who says I'm on your team?" she stated, inching towards the fort.

"ALICE! YOU CAN'T BETRAY US!" Emmett boomed, grabbing a hold of her wrist ad pulling her back to our group. "Fine. You can dress up."

"Yay!" Alice squealed, clapping.

"No leather." He stated. "We don't want to see that."

"WHAT!" shrieked. "What about velvet?"

"Polyester." Emmett said.

"Suede."

"Cotton."

"Flannel."

"LEATHER!" Emmett yelled, grinning triumphantly that he had beat her. Alice grinned slyly as she agreed. Then, Emmett realized...."WAIT! NO!"

"Too late." She said, skipping off upstairs, already knowing the plan.

Emmett told us the plan, and then Alice came skipping down the stairs, wearing a leather police uniform. Edward, Carlisle, and Emmett looked away, disgusted. Alice walked out from behind the corner as we all situated ourselves around the room.

"Jasper..." Alice trilled. The cardboard box twitched. "I know you're in there!"

Then, the top of Jasper's blonde hair was seen as he peeked out from behind the fortress.

"FIIIIIIIRRRREEEEEE!" Emmett yelled, and we all pelted Jasper with toaster waffles.

"THE UNION! RUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNN!!" he shrieked, falling to the ground. "CONFEDERATES WILL PREVAIL!" he screamed, throwing Skittles at us. WE tore down the fortress, as Jasper scrambled to get away from us.

"Pick up a textbook, buddy. Confederates lose." Emmett said, shoving a toaster waffle in Jasper's mouth. Jasper spit out the waffle as Emmett ran away, laughing.

"I'm gonna kill him."

**I guess I thought it was funniest because of the Jasper-Man...HAHA**


	10. FUNNY

FUNNY!!

I'm working on a chapter for IASWAC and POAR right now, but I thought you guys would want to see this. We had an assembly on Global Warming the other day, and today we had to write an essay summary of it. Here is my paper:

http://i223 . photobucket . com/albums/dd112/mgrabbitry/DSCF7893 . jpg

take out the spaces.


	11. For Your Delight

For your Delight

Hey guys, I have decided to write my own "Book" to publish on HERE. This is the second book I'm writing, but I wanted to write this as a "thank you" to all of my readers. It's on my profile, it's called "Diaries of a Phoenix" and if you like Twilight you'll like this.

Happy New Year :]


	12. I'm back

Hey Fanfiction…..I'm back. I know it's been a year since I've written but you wouldn't believe what I've been through. I'm going to start writing everything again…but first, I owe it to myself, and you guys to write this one story and finish it before I continue any of my other stories. If you have ever liked any of my stories, please I beg you show me the respect to read this story. It's about me and what I've been through. It would mean the world to me.

Please Don't Hurt Me by: Jennifer Lynn Henderson. "Jen"

I was gonna start this off "I never meant to fall in love", but really, the truth is I meant to, but never thought I actually would.

And no, I don't mean the middle school teeny bopper "OHHH I LOOOVEE YOUUU" boyfriend girlfriend love, I mean the serious commitment, the bond of being in love. Something none of the books, none of the movies or plays or shows or stories have ever done justice.

Fuck I've doused myself up with drugs, hurt myself over and over, physically abused myself and other people… I've tried everything I can to forget this love. This love is so strong it shakes me, it tortures me, it won't ever let me forget, no matter how hard I try or what I do. This is a type of love you won't find everywhere, something that will never leave you. It was the best thing of my life to feel it. Now it's become the worst thing I'm trying to forget. It haunts me. Because of this I will never be the same, never walk through the world with the same head on my shoulders, I will never have hope of finding another.

This is my fucking story…what I've been through this past year, and what I'm trying to face to this day. It may not end well.


End file.
